Hydeout Productions 2Nd Collection
Ever met a heartless bastard..Welcome.
All fled–all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire.
— Suicidal notes- 13
Goodbye, my friend, goodbye
My love, you are in my heart.
It was preordained we should part
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let’s have no sadness — furrowed brow.
There’s nothing new in dying now
Though living is no newer.
Suicidal notes- 12
poets are dying
Football season Is over. No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun for anybody. 67. You are getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax, this won’t hurt.
— Suicidal notes- 11
When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one.
— Suicidal notes- 10
I’m sacrificing myself to save the countless many who would have to die if I were to live. It’s a noble cause, I figure. A good reason to die. I like to think you’d agree.
— Suicidal notes- 9
My kisses burn into your soul,
My touch melts upon your skin,
My eyes reflect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,
I am a waste of time,
So now I shall die.
— Suicidal notes- 8
I have a feeling I shall go mad. I cannot go on longer in these terrible times. I shan’t recover this time. I hear voices and cannot concentrate on my work. I have fought against it but cannot fight any longer.
— Suicidal notes- 7
Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.
— Suicidal notes- 6
Dear Mom, I love you with all my heart. I just wasn’t meant for this world! I hope I can find a place of peace and happiness, a place I am child enough to live, yet man enough to survive. I love you! I hope you can truly believe me. Maybe on my journey I’ll find Jesus. Pray for me mom. Pray I will find happiness. I hurt so bad inside! I want it all to go away. I want a new beginning. I am not afraid to die mom. I’m just so afraid of tomorrow!
To all my friends and loved ones, I ask of you one last favor: don’t let my spirit die. Remember me for the laughs and the good times, the thrills we all had together. I hope I made a place in all your hearts and touched each and every one of you in a special way. I have chosen to die, but I haven’t chosen to be forgotten. I must find a new world, a world of peace and happiness. I want you all to know I am not afraid to die, only to quit living. I’ll miss you.
— Suicidal notes- 5
Seven little crazy kids chopping up sticks;
One burnt her daddy up and then there were six.
Six little crazy kids playing with a hive;
One tattooed himself to death and then there were five.
Five little crazy kids on a cellar door;
One went all schizo and then there were four.
Four little crazy kids going out to sea;
One wouldn’t say a word and then there were three.
Three little crazy kids walking to the zoo;
One jerked himself too much and then there were two.
Two little crazy kids sitting in the sun;
One a took a bunch of pills and then there was one.
One little crazy kid left all alone;
He went and slit his wrists, and then there were none.
Thomas Michael Ford
Suicidal notes - 4
That sounds weird: “kill yourself.” It makes it sound like you tried to murder someone, only that someone is you.
Michael Thomas Ford
Suicidal notes- 3
I’m still kind of a mess. But I think we all are. No one’s got it all together. I don’t think you ever do get it totally together. Probably if you did manage to do it you’d spontaneously combust. I think that’s a law of nature. If you ever manage to become perfect, you have to die instantly before you ruin things for everyone else.
Michael Thomas Ford
Suicidal notes- 2
I have spent a year with a horrible battle raging inside me. It seems the more I try to fight it the worse it gets. Life is excruciating. I may think im winning this battle for a few days but then i collapse sobbing and I crumble and lose it again. I have been tottering in and out of deppression for age s now, and I can’t deal with it anymore. I used to be a compassionate, sensitive person, but those days are long since gone. A darkness has been stirring inside me for ages and im scared il do something relly bad, something il regret. That’s partly why i can’t stay in existence anymore. This dakness inside me intensifes everyday, and with everyday that goes by I trust myself less. I no longer talk to people other than when I have to and i long since deleted my MSN and Facebook accounts. I feel worse all the time and I have a great sense of foreboding that has been growing for a while. I feel like i could kill someone, quite literally, so I need to kill myself before I have the chance. I have no hopes no dreams no nothing no hobbies. Absolutely nothing. Eveything is so meaningless and empty. Life isn’t for me, I realised that long ago. I used to try and be nice, then I went through an agonizing period of feeling totally unstable, one minute I was on top of the earth and the next I was in the depths of despair. Then something snapped. I am like a zombie now. I feel hollow. Worthless. No matter what I do I can’t break out of this…state. its like being trapped in a black cave, forever trying to feel your way to freedom, but eventually just give up and lie in the blackness: story of my life. My life is like being numb or going completely insane with emotions and feeling shattered and drained. I feel a world apart from everyone else. I can’t drag my self to school very much atall anymore, and there has been talk of social workers coming to my house, which is the least of my troubles, but when i am there I walk the same corridors as all my ‘friends’ I may aswell be on another planet. I don’t have friends. Not really. I wear a mask all the time, I pretend to be someone im not so people like me. Or rather i used to, I gave up on that ages ago because its exhausting. I need to escape. I cannot carry on like this. I am a disturbing person and the world doesn’t need to bother with the likes of me. The only thing that used to keep me on the edge of…some horrific place inside me was my diary. Which I burnt because the grotesque things I wrote inside disgusted even me. Plus everytime I had done writing i felt like I had been shoved through a sieve.
I die whether you tell me to. I did whether you tell me not to. I die if you lecture me on nuclear physics. I fought in a battle, I lost. Goodbye. The end. Got it? So heres the deal: you can help my death be as quick and peaceful as death can be, or I potentially die a pro-longed agonizing death because you decided to write a bloody speech on why I shouldnt which, I won’t read anyway. Your choice buddy.
— Suicidal notes- 1